Do you struggle with guilt?

If you do, unrest assured: your ego* is having a great time. NB: egos love nothing more than a full plate of guilt with a side of extra guilt and a guilt-cherry on top. Mmmm, the inner sinner is so tasty.

* For the purpose of Mindfulness, the ego is our strong fixed sense of self that keeps us separate from everything and everyone. The ego’s goal is to protect this identity at all times, often via external validation, control and comparison. Buddhists describe the ego as “the root cause of suffering”.

But here's what the ego likes us to forget: we weren’t born guilty. Guilt is a learnt behaviour and like all learnt behaviours, when practiced enough it beds in, wires in good ‘n’ proper to our brain’s prefrontal cortex and becomes a habit. And before we know it, we’re just walking around feeling like a rubbish person. Often we learnt guilt as a child, because it was easier for us to think things were our fault than find fault in the adults we looked up to. It is Shame’s secret sister (shh...)

Key things to know about guilt:

• Guilt is always rooted in the past. “I did this. I didn’t do that.”
• Guilt is a mind-made construct of internal dialogue, mental images and physical feelings
• Guilt is addictive self-punishment

Of all the go-to emotions guilt is one of the most insidious. We can’t do it with any passion, there’s nothing vitriolic or heated about it – it just feels awful and erosive. It’s a clumsy dance where love, fear & flailing self-justification get tangled up in a right mess.

But the next time you feel guilty, ask yourself this:

Do I want to feel better?

If you do, try this:

1. Recognise deeply that guilt can’t exist in the present moment
2. Choose peace (knowing coming from a place of peace will mean you’re better service to others and yourself)
3. Realise you can’t think your way out of guilt or your way to forgiveness. Relief comes by letting the feelings be there. Allowing the thoughts to come up but not feeding them with more thoughts. Allowing relief over rumination. This is letting go.

We all screw up, there will always be good we didn’t do, a different choice we could’ve made. And the ego will always relish this. But coming from a place of peace (presence), we can feel the truth: that love can never come from guilt.

Happy Tuesday

Love,

Jo x